Brokenness

  This is the place where no amount of Jesus, faith, praying, believing feels enough...where your insides are shattering into a million little pieces. Yet still all remains the same. And you wonder how much more you can break before you totally disintegrate into nonexistence.

......the tragedy of the brink between sanity and insanity..how much more can I tell myself "joy is coming, peace is available" when pain is all-consumingly real, darkness is completely binding. The life is suffocating out of me...how much longer I ask myself can I tell myself words that although meant as promises are becoming to seem as lies.

Misery is a constant companion. Loneliness mocks me as I stand in my shattered dreams, unanswered prayers, and hopelessness...the reality of where I am cannot withstand the pressure to lose faith....and the realness of all the despair I am feeling and experiencing feel more real and powerful than any words I hear....how much longer can I resist the waves that want to take me under....?