Confessions

Life is interesting. We meet such a wide variety of people. To express the thoughts in my head right now, my vocabulary will probably fail because I have seen so exclusively immersed in one field these past years. I look at all the people I’ve met. Some have professed to care. Others have professed to love. Others have attempted to convince me that they are true and what we have is real. And in all the people I’ve met, I realize those that have truly cared and loved, those with whom I have real relationships have not had to profess these to me. In fact, it was a simple click. There is a saying that goes it takes a day to love someone and a lifetime to forget them. There is truth in this statement.

Why do I care whether people who say they care don’t really care you must say? Why does it matter to me since I know that they are false? Why you ask me? I care not because I desire for them to express their honest feelings, but because I wonder at the lengths they must go to convince me otherwise.  At the end of the day, most of us come to realize that what really matters is what is real and what is real is what is truthful and honest. I am not saying you cannot fool yourself into believing that a shallow relationship has depth. Of course you can. We do it all the time. It comes from our desire to be oblivious to that which would cause us pain. But I tackle rough spots head on. That way I can cruise along the rest of the way instead of closing my eyes to the filth, only to have the stench stifling my breathing on the whole walk.

Why is it so difficult for people to be honest? We are scared, afraid of rejection, or perhaps simply do not want to. Truth be told, honest people tend to be honest with those they care for. The whole story about lying to protect the feelings of the person you care about is nonsense, nonexistent – a lie to yourself! And most of us know this. We know that our true reason for not “fessing” up to those close to us is because we fear the ramifications of our confessions on that relationship which we value. We fear how the other’s perception of us will change, how they will reject us in some way. Because we had built that relationship on feelings – either old or recent – we fear the rejection of those feelings once the other becomes aware of our true self.

Moral of today’s blog: we lie to ourself and others because we fear, not because we care. What will you allow to rule your actions and speech: fear or honesty? Don’t kid yourself: honesty is a rare rare find indeed these days. But it is not altogether gone. And we must all start somewhere. You determine your happiness. Start by choosing a determining factor that won’t crumble in your face.

Thought girl signing off ~ 

3.15.09